生病的领悟

这次真的是生病了，而且很严重。病，是从星期六开始的。一如往常，我没有把它当一回事。星期天继续为主工作。星期一继续上班，还带学生跑了两家书局。昨天早上还大发热心的去帮我的韩国学生找学校。在驾车回家的时候，我知道这次糟糕了。头好晕。我还真没把握可否把车安全的架回家。无奈，只能靠祷告了。感谢神，我安全的到家。倒在床上昏睡不醒。我也不知道那是发烧烧到几度了。我一度以为我会死掉。我好想叫人拿冰袋给我，但全身竟连那一点求救的力也没有。就这样昏睡了三个小时才挤出一丝的力量叫人拿冰袋和很多的水给我。昨天傍晚看了医生，吃了药，睡了很多，流了很多很多汗，一天最少换3套衣服，每一次都是湿透的。我想我必须在这件事情上学到一些的东西。

1. 健康是个恩典来的。要时时珍惜它，不要把它当成是理所当然。

2. 以后照顾病人的时候，请记得病人喜欢干净。干净会让他们觉得自己没有病得那么严重。

3. 吃对病人而言是非常重要的。那是他们唯一可以盼望的。

4. 就算在我最害怕会死掉的时候，我心里是知道我还死不去的。因为我还没有履行我在神面前的工作。神应该不会这样容易放过我的。这份使命感，我要牢牢记住。不要再荒度时光了。

5. 生病时会想起这一生所亏欠的人。平常亏心事不要做太多。

比起昨天，现在好多了。但我怕了，还是乖乖多睡一两天吧。

宝贵的槟城之旅

6月17日，一个意料不到的礼物降临到我身上。通过历宗弟兄一个简单的意念与分享，我有幸踏上了一段不平凡的生命之旅。历宗，Esther和我来到槟岛来拜访Melody幼稚园的领导们。剛踏出飞机，就已经感染到槟城的朝气和生命力。接下来的事，我无法很贴切的用文字来表达。我们仿佛踏进了一个时间加速机，事件一件一件的飞过，去认识的人一个接着一个。我无法把每件事说清楚，就分享我的学习吧。

首先，我要介绍一个不平凡的人。他就是Melody的创始人brother萧光耀。他实在是一个很特别的人，隐藏着无穷的魅力。在他的身上看到了对生命的热爱，他的积极是非常的有影响力的。在他身边就能被他感染到也想积极起来，觉得世界是美好的。在他身上也学习到了什么叫做真心的去爱一个人，什么叫做多走一里路。他的用心是我要好好的学习的。他的愿意是我要活出来的。从他的生上，我活生生的看到了什么叫做尽心，尽性，尽力，尽意。积极是美好的，是幸苦但绝对不痛苦。你在我身上的用心，我感受得到。谢谢你！

我还要感谢好多好多家人。你们是那么的成功，让我看到了成功所须要的好品格。Carol姐，宝珠，brother Chin Heng （谢谢你愿意听我的真情流露，糗大了）& Alicia, Datuk Tony & wife, Sherene, Alex, Vincent, Shirley (她不喜欢我叫她Datin), Mr. Ong 等等。太多太多了，我没有办法一一写上。你们的谦虚，愿意和后辈分享，慷慨，爱心，决策的能力，真诚，让我学习了好多。在你们身边，被你们深深的感染了。

接下来就要说说Melody的团队了。他们是非常的正面，积极，互相鼓励，互相欣赏，彼此接纳的一个团队。整个团队精神实在是太棒了！里面的每个主管都非常的清楚Melody的使命，并且也把它当成自己的使命。这让整个团队有了共鸣，很有家人的感觉。

谢谢你们！旅行结束了，我新的人生旅途才剛要开始。我也要像你们一样，一起做这世界的光，做指引人们的灯。感恩你们让我成为你们的家人。

Things I Wished I Knew Earlier

I was doing a mind-map for my company and I thought how good it would be if I knew this tool earlier in my life. Then I thought about many things that I wished to have known earlier in my life.

1. God.
This is an easy one. Knowing God gives insight to life because He is the creator of all things. Through Him, I begin to understand the purpose of life, I begin to appreciate myself, I begin to gain self-confidence, I begin to love, I begin to forgive, I begin to have insight & knowledge, I begin to serve, and most importantly, I begin to live.

2. It's ok to be weak.
I used to want to "be" strong, clever, confident, etc. I pumped it all up for show. Then I realised how shallow I was. I begin to feel weak, very weak. and I hated myself for that. That wasn't what I wanted. I did a lot of things to show that I wasn't weak. In a way, I proved that to other people - I earned more, I talked better, I knew more people... But I couldn't convince myself. Until I understood that it is ok to be weak. It is thru acknowledging weakness that I begin to be strong. I started to appreciate myself and feel a subtle inner-confidence grow in me. I begin to really "be" me. That is the most satisfying experience.

3. Speed reading.
I still haven't touched this topic yet. But I really wished that I could read faster.

4. Mind-mapping.
This has to be one of the best tools I picked up. It helps me organize my thoughts in large perspective, zoom to focus on the details, jump straight back to the big picture. And it's all at one glance!

5. Confrontation is not always a bad thing.
Since young, I felt that confrontation equals quarrel, spoilt relationships, etc. That's why I was very quiet throughout my study life. Chinese teaching is to be best in the middle, not too posh, not too low. Until something very bad happened to me because I didn't speak up for myself. I thought that people "should" understand. Now I know that I have to fight for the right to speak when I have to. That's how relationship grow. We have to seek to be understood by the ones we truly love.

6. Each individual has different expectations of one another.
This is the one most important lesson I learned regarding relationship. Each of us are uniquely different from one another. We think differently, feel differently, have different likes and dislikes, different habits, different background, etc. So logically, we will have different view points for everything under the sun. The funny thing is that how little people notice this. Many a times I have unsolvable quarrels is because of different expectations we have of each other. Why I say unsolvable is because until we understand this, we wouldn't understand why he is like this or why is she like that? It's a unsolvable perception problem. And the other party feels disrespected and hurt.

7. Time management.
Makes me spend my time better, and work a lot more enjoyable.

8. Music.
I didn't learn until 26. At the age of 8, my music teacher said I was hopeless because I was naughty, and from then on, I thought that I didn't have a flare in music...

Emotion Bank

I'm going to write about something I learned from the 7 Habits book. It's about the emotion bank that we bank in and bank out from everybody around us. I have to say that I really need to learn this because I really know too little about human relationship, which is the essence of human living and enjoyment. I crave to know my family better, my friends, my co-workers, etc. And I crave that they understand me better. This read has and will be of great help in my future dealings with people.

1. Respect and accept an individual as they are.
This is really hard. I used to think that people "should" behave as they "should". Now, knowing that no two individuals are the same, think the same and feel the same, I have no right to impose what I think and feel to another individual. Now, I begin to observe people and learn to know them as who they really are. It will be very interesting to know some people again that I already know for so long :)

2. Communicate expectations between family, friends and co-workers.
This has always been a major cause for hurtful quarrels - You "should" do this and you "should" do that. In the end, we find out that what you expect from me is not what I expect you to expect from me. What a joke! And it feels that I have been wronged and misunderstood. Job descriptions and even relationship commitments must be clearly communicated to know exactly what to expect and be expected.

3. Fulfill commitments that we make.
Easier said than done. Many a time, it is so easy to make a casual commitment to get a quick fix...

4. Have integrity for everything that we do.
One can forgive a mistake in action because it is mostly due to a failure in judgment; It is harder to forgive a mistake in character that is ill-intentioned and possesses a bad motive.

5. Be aware of the small little things.
Small actions show big emotion fluctuations. For the noticing to start, pride has to go first. Because if we are full of ourselves, we don't see anything else anymore. Least to say the little reactions.

6. Sincerely apologize if I have made a mistake.
It takes a giant to be gentle; the weak shows only a strong front to cover their weaknesses.

So to conclude, I need to learn to be more observant. And to be more observant, I have to learn to shift the focus off myself to the people that I care about. To do that, I need to be humble. To learn humility, I need to built up my inner confidence. And to built up the confidence, I need to find my purpose in life to understand that I am a useful being. That purpose lies in God.

Today is a Fine Day

After one and a half years, the Sat-off genes still can't get used to the fact that I have to work on Sats. Today however, is quite special. It started from yesterday where I felt a bit lost on what's next for my business. I am threading into unknown terrain. I went for a long run to clear my mind. And I was glad that it came to a conclusion that it is "normal" to don't know what to do next.

The Bible does teaches us that faith is something you commit to do before you see any proven results. And actions often come before guidance.

So, combining the two, I feel good knowing that it is ok to don't know what's next and it is ok to feel fearful of not knowing what to do. I feel good because I know that by striding the walk in faith, God will guide me throughout my journey.

So, work today has been fulfilling and good.

College Camp 2010

We have just finished the camp, which was on yesterday. I thought I would be exhausted with 15 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights. But no, I felt good today. Even managed to go for a concert and a night class today.

Looking back, college camp 2009 is where I fell; College camp 2010 is where I proved myself that I shall not be easily defeated. And I proved myself on that. I realized that when one wants to really do something, it's really no big deal no matter how big the challenge is. I came in this year with mixed feelings. Looking at this year's game plan, I thought to myself if I really did badly last year. The answer is no. Because most of the important games stayed intact. Did I not fight to be heard? The answer is yes, I did not fight to be heard. That's the lesson I learned from last year. It was not about commitment or whatsoever. It was about communication.

Ironically, that was the lesson that I taught to the students this year: fight to be heard! Haha, such irony!

I really enjoyed the time spent with the students this year. I'm really looking forward to meeting them again in GPS. They are such a joy to watch. The willingness to learn and the eagerness to mature is a lot to look forward to. There are some that I would personally hire if I had the chance. Unfortunately, there were a couple that were really disappointing. Those I hope would take something back with them. At least learn that not participating is also a choice. A choice to give up, a choice to continue to be at the current state, a choice not to let anyone in their lives and a choice to rot.

I'm glad that I had the courage to go in this year with full commitment, withholding nothing back from last year's fall. I feel good. Now it's time to make a decision on the business set up. I was brought back from Singapore for a purpose. It's time to make a full commitment to that purpose. I pray that I would have the courage and perseverance to push it through to the end. May God give me the help that I so need.

A Day in Life: 7 June 2010

Today I decided to do something special. I thought that life was getting dull. So I decided to do something that I like everyday. I realized that I like to write, I like to go for long runs to clear my mind, and I realized that I enjoyed looking at things.

That's when I realized that I could capture images that I saw and put it into this blog as a erm... personal diary or something like that.

You may be wondering what's with the 4 cups. Well, every morning, after breakfast, I make myself my favorite cup of tea and start the day by reading the Bible in my room. And after that I wash them and put on top of the basin. As you can see, that's 4 days without clearing my room :) This serves as a reminder of myself to clear the room with discipline.