Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion

Every now and then, I will have a strong urge to play a game. The previous time I had this urge was 2 years ago, where I bought a PSP and sold it off a year later. Otherwise, it would be accumulating too much dust. This time round, I went back to one of my favorite games: Elder Scrolls 4 - Oblivion.

It is an open ended game which puts me into a medieval world of castles, dungeons & monsters. I have always dreamed of living in a medieval world way before electricity, internet, telephone & pollution. It is the period where people go around riding on horses, where story tellers, music & chatting is the main entertainment. It is where life is simple.

Today is a New Day

Today thru pastor, I finally understand the root reason of why I am so unemotional. I must remember this day.

Firstly, emotions are not all bad. They do not all lead to quarrels and bad things. Furthermore, being emotional is a normal human expression. You know, as I think back, I too find it funny of the process of me to get angry: hm... this incident is something that I should be angry > why am I not angry? > Ok, I will be angry > and I will say this this and that that to this person > alright, here goes > hey you! > and I feel bad being angry...

Secondly, suppressing my emotions has helped me survive in my childhood. It has protected me from being hurt. But I do not need to do that anymore, I have grown up and so should this outdated map. It is no longer applicable and I should revise this map into a more accurate one. Old and incorrect maps have to go, shoo!

Thirdly, I must unlock some events of the past that I have purposely or subconsciously buried and forgotten. That will free me to become a more wholesome man. That's my homework for the next 2 weeks.

Fourthly, get back in touch with my emotions but don't over explode it, kaboom!

28 Years Old

There's a Chinese saying that men matures at the age of 30, stop getting confused at 40, understand the meaning of life and direction at 50... I'm 28, nearing 30 this year, so I'll won't go on farther.

I do not yet know about the 40 and 50 part, but I do agree about the maturing at 30. At this stage of life, I have loved, hated; enjoyed life, and despised it altogether; I have had enough successes and failures to know that it really doesn't matter in the long run whether I succeed or fail; what matters is how I deal with the outcome and continue to work hard in life.

At this stage, I can proudly say that I am having the time of my life. I understand better who I am and who I want to be; I understand what I want and the path to getting it will not be an easy one; I understand that I live for a purpose and acknowledge that I do not fully comprehend it; I understand that lasting success is build upon big characters and not clever methods; I understand more about "being" and emphasize less on "doing"; I learn to manage my time to spend it on the important things that truly matters; I learned that to take more, I must first give more; I learned that in order to be loved, I must first love, unconditionally.

At 28, I've seen just enough to know that I do not know enough. Looking back at myself, being arrogant and self-centered, I'm glad that I have lived a good life and happy that the future looks somewhat... GREAT!