2009 Flash Back

Again, we have come to the end of a year. Let me see what I have done in this year.

I remember that last year's resolution was to find a job that allows me to serve God while pursuing my personal ambitions. If I use this as a benchmark, I must say that I have done well. I've gotten a relaxing job with a relatively good paycheck. It has given me the time to slowly surface back to the working environment after a year's rest. It has also given me the opportunity to dwell in God's word and in His ministry. God has been very good to me.

As a conference producer, I have picked up important skills such as research skills, telephoning skills, discipline, and most importantly, got to know my good colleagues. They're one of a kind.

My relationship with Pris could be better. I guess the honeymoon period is officially over and we have come to the awareness phase where we acknowledge that we are different from one another and accept that we ARE going piss one another sometime or another, entering the molding process.

My walk with God has been improving as I continue to learn the meaning of servant hood by serving the church and reading God's word. The path is a tiring one. But I pray and trust that God will have His way to teach me my lessons. Thank you Lord.

Family-wise is getting better inch by inch. I hope that I can preserver my plan to have Sunday nights together with the family. Let us learn to be a family in Christ where we have failed to be a family in blood ties.

I pray that God may move me into a career of my hearts desire. In your time, in your place. I await your guidance.

The Art of Give & Take

In economics, we have the art of supply & demand; In life, we have the art of give & take.

Human relationship is an art. One needs wisdom, patience, understanding and acceptance, topped up with some disappointments to master the art. Often, when disappointments are pushed to the edge, it evolves into anger, rage, and possibly hate. I am a human after all. I can't keep givng and not expect some back in return. I have my own needs and cannot be caring for other people's needs and not get cared for. After all, we all need to be loved, don't we?

You quarelled with your mum and you needed someone to comfort you. I told you to come over despite my scheduled work at home. You wanted to shop a bit and I waited for you despite being anxious that I may not finish the work and even more worried that I may not have time for you after that. You were so tired that you fell asleep but I knew that you needed to talk. So I stopped my work, thinking I could finish my report while on the bus to work. We chatted till past midnight and I tried my best not to fall asleep despite being shattered by a full day of work. I needed to take public transport to finish the report but you wanted me to take the car to drop you off at a nearby place. I gave you all I had, but it wasn't enough for you. I needed to finish my work as it was important for me but you didn't care. I sacrificed my sleep, work but got you angry instead.

Sometimes I wonder is it me that you love or is it my love for you that you love? Isn't it in a relationship, there's give and take?

Do you love me?

Give Me Oil in My Lamp

I guess everyone needs to be loved once in a while. Wait! There's something wrong in this statement. The truth is: Everyone needs to be loved. While in this city setting, we yearn love yet afraid to love, for love hurts. Therefore, let's not love at all. I think that is why true friendship seldom blossoms. We package our hearts with beautiful wrappings and it starts to become icy steel. But deep down in our hearts, we still yearn for to be loved. But that yearning is often toned down and we try to substitute it by working hard, by being successful, we try to numb our senses with seemingly important stuff, trying to be important, trying to be part of the society. Only once in a while, the yearning for love is so great that we cannot suppress it anymore that we demand it from our loved ones. That is usually where we accuse them of not loving us enough. That is when your partner gets stunned by the sudden change of demand. It's not a sudden change, it's always there, just that we suppress it so well, we cheat even ourselves.

Yesterday was a lesson learnt why we need God to provide oil into my lamp. I was sick, and needed rest; work's pilling and so is the pressure; my manager just told me that she was not going to endorse my PR application; service at church is not going well. All I wanted was to either work hard thru the night or to rest well and kick start tomorrow with a bang. That wasn't what happened. Pris needed to talk and to be loved. My common sense tells me that's not a good idea but my love for her tells me that she deserves my attention. She talked and I listen, giving some suggestions and questions along the way. I had my silent prayers for her and for myself. I believe God is teaching both of us in His way. I prayed for God to sustain me at work the next day.

The reason why people are afraid to love is because love is sacrificial in nature. It will require effort, it will take time, and it WILL hurt you one day or another. Last night, I chose to love, to burn myself. But I was not alone. God will provide the oil for me. He is my protector. I will continue to learn to care, to love, to burn. I'd rather die than to never loved at all. Give me time dear, I'll be your good manager.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth"

Definition of Space

I think I have written an article on "Giving Space" a while ago. I can still remember I wrote that out of frustration.

As I walk my everyday, and as I meet more and more people, and get into deeper friendship with many of them, the meaning and understanding of "space" becomes more and more significant. I had a talk with Aunty Nan this morning on the way to work about this topic. I had to sit down and revise my understanding towards the meaning of "space" in a relationship. That's why I'm using this blog to re-organize my thoughts as I write:

What's the meaning of "giving space"?
My own definition of giving space is to let a person do as he feels comfortable, in his own way, at his own time, with him being left alone to do as he pleases without the slightest burden to care or bother about anything else. The time is left to enjoy entirely to that person.

Why does everyone need "space" and why it is important?
Every once in a while, in our busy busy schedules and stuff, we need some time off to quieten down, to rest, to reflect and to do some soul searching. I need these to feel alive and get a general direction of where I have gone to and where I should be heading. That's one. There's another reason to why we should all learn to give space to one another and that's called "respect". You respect other people's space (privacy) and the way they want their space (privacy). This is very important of you are living with your family or your spouse. It saves you a lot of trouble on this issue. Like it or not, we all like to be in control. We want things our own way. But living together needs a lot of understanding and giving way to one another.

So, learn to give space.

Macau Express Jusco Tebrau City Review

Macau Express is a restaurant selling portugese chicken and egg tarts. Here, I am to share with you my experience in this restaurant over the weekend.

As most good restaurants were fully packed even at 2.30pm, I chose Macau Express because it had the shortest queue and me and Pris were hungry. We ordered half a chicken, "Macau style" spaghetti and egg tarts. When they plated the over-cooked charred-chicken, my girlfriend commented that it's was charred, meaning, "Could we change for another one?" To our amazement, the girl behind the counter answered, "There are even more charred ones." What kind of service is that!? The aunty behind overhead our conversation and immediately changed it for us. We brought the chicken and sat seated ourselves, waiting for them to prepare the spaghetti.

As we were just too hungry, we started eating. The chicken, gravy, and everything else was cold. We were hungry, and we ate. After finishing the chicken... and the drinks, we were wondering if they forgot to serve us the spaghetti. So we asked one of passing waiters. None of them stopped to answer my queries! So I went up to the counter to check, and the same girl at the counter actually walked away without answering my question! Luckily, there was a very young waiter who went in to check and told me to wait for another 2 minutes. Even that wasn't worth the wait. It tasted horrible. I am not picky for food. But if I am paying RM30 for a meal, I think that I expected something better. Again I have to emphasize: I am not picky for food. That was one of the days I ate to fill my stomach.

To sum it all up, it's was a terrible experience. We had planned to go for a movie after the meal but ended up going straight home. It spoiled all our mood, and it cost more than RM30. Never again will I step in this restaurant: poor service, long wait, over-priced, horrible food, all in all horifying.

Hoarders in the House

The past few days have been both exciting and tiring. I have never moved house, and this is the 1st time I'm doing it. It feels really good by just thinking how the new house will look: The process of shaping the house, fitting in the furnitures, making it your own. There is just so much to do!

In the process, I get to know more about my family: We are serious hoarders! You can't believe the things that we keep. And more seriously, we can't seem to make a firm decision to throw things away, even if it can't be used anymore. As I walk around the new house, I keep seeing the things that I have thrown away. The leaking green water bottle, the antique tape recorder, even MY baby shoes!

We need a clearing class.

What a Day

I can't remember when was the last time I met with so many people. It started with Church in the morning, lunch with friends which one came back from Thailand and going back next Sunday, visited a long time no talk friend, counseled a good friend, an impromptu counseling session by Pastor, and Yum Cha with a Cha Siew. Six sessions in total, even my girlfriend can't believe how energetic I was today. Now, I'm beat.

Today has been a day of people and feelings, something that I am totally not good at nor good with. My recent psychological test on empathy on humans feelings scored only 4 out of 100, one of the lowest scores ever seen by my Pastor. I amaze myself at what I have achieved today. I guess God has His way to guide me to become a more wholesome person. I am usually not interested in people, how they feel, what they think. But today, I am forced to lend an ear to my good friend and try my best to give him some suggestions. In the end, I guess all he needed was someone to talk to. Funny thing was that right after I helped him, it was my turn to be helped. It started with a casual chat with Pastor. We talked about my primary school days and dug out some important facts of why I am as logical as I am now with very little emotions and feelings.

I guess that in the end, everyone needs help someway or another. I am very honoured to have helped and be helped both at the same day. I have to admit that we all need help sometimes, we can't do everything on our own, no matter how capable we think we are. In the end, we all still long for love. We are humans after all.

A Purpose in Life

For 5 months I have worked, for 5 months I have been complaining. Until I came across a book that tells us how childish people are to complain about God's good intentions to teach them to grow up. That He puts us into situation that He deems good for our well being, to help us mature. Many a times, we avoid these situations because it is usually hard, and the real reason is that we are scared to face it. Avoidance is the easy way out. It makes us feel that we are in control. It helps us avoid the fact that we are weak and helpless. Men do not like to feel weak. No no, not in this modern society where status matters, and in fact, it's everything! To think about that, men has placed our own self-worth on status that we lose sight on who we really are. The truth is that the harder we try to package ourselves into who we want to be, the more we don't know who we really are. If you believe that there is a God, this is easy to explain: God created humans. if you want to know who you are, know first who your maker is, He created you. Knock and you shall find, easy!

Don't lose sight on who you are. You know where to find the answer. You won't find it looking at yourself, look above you. Good luck.

Shit Happens

Ever felt like going for a run and it rains the moment you arrived? Or waited long for a bus to find it completely packed? Shit happens.

These are only minor shit problems. You can easily pay to go into a nearby gym and wait for the next bus. The more extreme way to solve the problem is to just continue to run in the rain, or walk all the way to your destination. The point is: minor shit problems can be solved by effort. But what about the major ones? You cannot walk out of a marriage out of anger, no matter how big the problem is, that's the vow you made to God and your spouse. You're held accountable. But what if it were before marriage? You are still left a choice...

I'm sleepy. Don't know if I'll get sleep anyway. Work's still waiting, people pending, expectations to fulfill, anger to appease, self-doubt... How does all these things come together at the same time? Did they call each other to arrange to come at the same time? Appease, appease, appease, appease, get a life!

What's Going On, Malaysia?

A few months ago, Barisan National couldn't get two-thirds of the votes for the first time in history. We can see that the people are losing hope in our government. Somehow, I believe that there are still people who vote againts them in hope that they may change for the better. So far from what I can see, they have failed us. Finger pointing all around after the results, not the remorse and let's-buck-up that we hoped for. Disappointed? Don't be, there's more.

The recent arrest of the blogger and a reporter shows that the government has absolutely no idea of what they are doing. The arrest of the blogger shows no freedom of speech in this country; the arrest of the reporter shows that this country has no truth. It fully reflects what this country is made of, and the people running it. The excuse they use is the Internal Security Act, which is meant to protect Malaysia from national security threats. Shouldn't then be the one who sparked unrest about Chinese being "squatters" be arrested instead of the one who commented on it, let it even not be the one who wrote truthfully about it? What's going on? I really don't get it.

If there is no truth to speak of in this country, who can we depend on to seek for justice? Sadly, it reflects our country's regulatory system. I do not want to comment about it, I still want a future outside the prison. Just for thought: Think about it, what's the first impression when you think of a Malaysia traffic police? What is the first thing that came into your mind when you last got stopped by the police? I hope that you will not think of the same thing that I do.

Malaysia is one of the most blessed countries in the whole world. We have no natural disasters, and natural resources are plentiful. We should be one of the top countries in Asia. Instead, our small neighbor who has absolutely no help from mother nature are doing better than we do. If the riches of the country did not convert into the people's welfare, did not contribute into the national economy and reserves, where did it go?

I've never been so frustrated by politics until now. The disrespect for truth and covering it up by brute force is just to much to shallow. The tendency to cover up instead of admitting ones fault has been in our system for far too long. When are you going to wake up and admit that you are in deep shit, Malaysia? And who is that fool, or whoever is behind him to provoke racism issues when we, no matter what race, should be united as one and rebuild what should have been build long ago.

Dell Vostro 1310 Review

I just recently got my 1310 with mixed feelings, so I thought I'd share a bit for those who may be considering to buy one.

Build
It is solidly built. I was expecting a plasticy texture for the back of the LCD screen, as some forums suggest. I got a marble texture instead. So I’m quite happy with that. It does look weird at first glance, the marble texture flip. But I guess those who get a Vostro wouldn’t care too much about aesthetics in the first place.

Touch & Feel
The keyboard types solidly. The touchpad, though small, functions accurately. I’m a bit worried about the left and right clicks for the touchpad though, it’s feels very soft. Brightness of the screen is very good, 30% brightness is bright enough. It has 4 USB ports, sufficient for me. I have a problem with where the power slot should be. 1310 puts it at the right hand side of the laptop, very near to where the 3 USB slots are. It makes it very congested. I still prefer power slots to be at the left side.

Sound
The sound quality is TERRIBLE. I mean it. It cannot play songs as it will give a buzzing sound as though the speaker has blown. I have to turn down the bass to solve this problem. I decided never to use the built-in speaker if I can help it. The volume control on top of the keyboard is useless. One cannot expect to press down the key to bring the volume down, you have to tap it many many times to change the volume. If you have problem with this, I suggest you use the Fn key with the page up / down button. It’s less frustrating this way.

Battery Life
I’m using a 4-cell battery and have read about the short battery life. I can’t believe at the first full charge, the battery indicator shows only 1.15 hours! I was then only on 30% screen brightness. I believe that the battery will eventually last longer after a few charges. But I doubt that it will take me more than 2 hours. I’m very annoyed with this.

Conclusion
Overall, if you are looking for a laptop for its functionality, don’t mind the dull look, poor speakers, and can easily get a power point to charge your laptop, Vostro 1310 remains a good buy for its price. It is solidly built and weights light enough to carry around.

IT Giant Goes Freakingly Ambitious

I read about the new Google browser today. They're revamping how traditional browsers work. I linked it up with a IT theory many years ago: There wouldn't be a need for fast computers anymore with the increasing speed of the internet. All complicated processes could be sent to a supercomputer through the internet, let it render all processes and send it back to the user. All people will just need a normal computer with superspeed internet connections. My cousin who is an IT expert says it will only stay as a concept as the internet and the browser has it's limitations, and we will have to wait until an Open Source software comes up with something extraordinary.

And here is Google Chrome! The IT gladiator who is daring enough to go through where others dare not. Pull down every wall and rebuild it all over again. I thoroughly respect innovation and daring people. Kudos to you Google!

One can only imagine how far this will bring Google to. If the concept that I spoke of realizes in this Chrome project, all we need is a fast internet connection. There will be no need for high-tech hardware technology. We're all lease it from Google or other vendors. What Google has done is that he is using internet software to challenge the market share of hardware giants like Intel, Texas Intruments, computer giants, etc.

Absolutely brilliant!

Champion of the Gym

You can't believe what I saw yesterday at the gym. I saw a babe on the treadmill at 0.8km per hour, for 5 minutes, plus a toe cramp... Champion!

Just to give you a brief idea how fast 0.8km per hour is, it takes roughly 7.5 minutes to finish a 100 meter dash; the world record set by Usain Bolt at the Beijing Olympics is 9.69 seconds. I'm a statistician, sorry for boring you. In theory, Usain Bolt would have overtaken the babe 45 times in a race... Personally, I think that deserves a world record. (Applause!)

I'm very proud to have known you, Miss Champion. A word of advise: Keep running.

Love Heals

I went for a counseling conference on Wednesday in Singapore. It was a Christianity-based event. I was a bit skeptical about the conference, thinking what has counseling to do with Christianity life? It opened my eyes to the importance of psychology towards Christian living.

The speaker is a psychologist, a big man, with a cute humor that shouldn’t fit his size, but it does. He is a wonderful speaker. And the points he brought out was even better. He summarized three important points based on his 30 years of experience, so we should all listen very carefully, he said.

1. Put in effort to manage conflicts
Conflicts that are not resolved do not go away, they stay hidden until it gets too big and then it will all come out in one big explosion. Do not underestimate it.

2. Deposit into the emotional bank of your love ones
Relationship needs take time to build. It’s like a bank. Put in effort for your love ones and you’ll score a point. Score more points and you will get a long lasting and happy relationship. Withdraw too much and your relationship will go bankrupt. One trick is to always highlight the other person’s effort / love language, even when the effort sucks. We better pick this up, it is 30 years of experience! “Highlighting people's effort is a way to see a glimpse of God”, he says. Put in effort and you will see how people express their love in many different ways. It may not be the way you want it, but it’s an act of love.

3. Keep your own emotional state safe
It’s important to keep one’s emotional state healthy. “Hurt people hurt people”. Only emotionally healthy people can stand firm with understanding and love to avoid getting hurt. He mentions that people usually get angry unconsciously, especially when they are hurt. Men get hurt most by shame; and women by abandonment. I never knew how important it is to be emotionally healthy.

He also pointed out an interesting research. He said our immune system is very related to how loved we are. People who feel loved have better immune system than those who don’t. Just look at some cancer patients and you can see that positive patients have a higher chance of fighting the cancer cells. Love heals, and that is God’s law.

I’m glad that I went for this conference. They have been doing it for the past many years, but will do one last one in 2010 before wrapping up. I hope they don’t. We need to learn to be “safe” counselors to spread the love of our Father Lord, who sent the first “safe” person, Jesus Christ to spread His love to us.

God bless.

Emotionally Tired

On my way to work today, I fell asleep on the bus.

I usually take short naps on buses, but this time round, I fell into a deep sleep. I still remember someone tapping my shoulder to wake me up, My first thought was one of my colleagues saying hi. To be honest, I was quite frustrated. Why don't you give me some rest and peace? As I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was an empty bus, I got the shock of my life, where did everyone go? The second thing I saw was the bus driver beside me, ha! Luckily the last stop is only one stop away from where I was suppose to alight.

I suppose I am emotionally tired. I sleep well, good quality sleep. But I still get tired easily. I guess it's time to find some motivation in life to spice things up a bit.

Nuts in the City

The city, a place away from the pastures, clear streams, and fresh air. It’s where people forget about the clear blue sky, the sparkling stars, the cool afternoon breeze, and the best that nature has to offer. There’s bound to be some underlying problems to be had.

Last Weds, my colleague and I went over to Novena for some Indonesian food. I’m not going to comment about the food though; it’s what happened before we entered the restaurant, a toilet break. You know, most guys don’t stand next to each other when we pee. There was this weirdo guy who used the latrine between us. I didn’t know any of this until my colleague told me after we got out of the toilet. This weird fellow was looking at me, and licking the toilet wall. Yes, you read me right, looking at me, and LICKING the DIRTY toilet wall, hell! There’s something about city folks. Many of us have some kind of problem, one way or another. We are too busy, too stressed, too tired, too focused, too not-to-be-bothered that we forget to care, whether for our friends, or our beloved family. This week, I’ve seen many adults who are emotionally dwarfed. I have a friend that pulls successful people that she knows of out of the bag in every single topic we chat about, expensive things she possesses, nice places that she visited, etc to put up to nice front. I’ve noticed that she never ever speaks about her own self. That’s pathetic, that’s self-denial, and that’s common in the city, where parents are too busy to care. Parents play a big part everyone’s life, and if parents don’t play the part of a parent, many problems arise, and it takes many many years to heal, if ever. There’s another friend that I cannot speak to her in love and truth. She cannot take raw facts. She says it reminds her of her mum who denies her of everything that she does since young. And when I tell her things that I think she’s done wrong, the memory reminds her of how her mum treated her. How much she yearns of people’s approval? How much she hates being denied? And how much she yearns for love? There are a lot more that I can write of, they are a lot of love this place needs. How can I help?

Words

Words can be powerfully inspiring or awfully damaging.

The words Paul used to describe "love" brings the use of words to new heights. He wrote,"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." How wonderfully beautiful and true it is.

Words can also sting like a bee, pierces right through the heart where is hurts the most. The more unintentional, the more painful the jab. I am surprised on how much effort some people make to come up with a highly intelligent mock. And this is contagious, it spreads. I noticed that when one starts to become critical of a subject, the second will follow, and the third. I'm even more surprised that at most times, I'm inclined to join in. Some times I give in and spit out some nasty words. And to be honest, it feels good. I mean it actually feels good to come up with an intelligent mock, how's that? Pro 15:23 What joy it is to find just the right word for the right occasion! I just became a heresy...

Boy, I'm a sinner. God forgive me.

Say No to Slumberness

My soul no longer wish to slumber.

Here is an account of what happened to me for the past few weeks.

After coming over to Singapore, my life scale tipped towards the work side. I couldn't handle anything else. God, family, friends, church, I gave it all up. To make things worse, I didn't enjoy the work as well. Therefore, I hid.

It's a very strange psychological thing, this hiding thing. I can give you some examples of what I mean by hiding. One thing I realized was, I didn't want to do anything. To avoid doing anything, I hid into the virtual world of games. I played PSP day in and day out, hiding in it. I slept a lot as well, refusing to wake up until I knew that I am going to be late for work. My mind hid as well. At work, my brain wanders. To recall, I felt that I have become stupid. The brain just refused to function. And I let the slumber in me take control.

I am guilty of a lot of things. I let wild grass grow in the relationship between me and Pris, I procrastinated the church finance being the treasurer, I wasn't doing my job, and I wasn't relating to God...

I thank God that He didn't give me up, He never does. He sent me messages. Through a song called "祷告", He brought me back to His presence. All I did was bring my troubles before Him and He did amazing things. Last Sat, I didn't go home to JB. I stayed for a talk on Israel, but that's not the point. The point is, me and Pris cracked that very night. It was an accumulation of unsettled incidents, and it exploded that night. God bless us for having Aunty Nan here with us. She had a long talk with Pris, and it was settled for the time being. The next day was a day of tears. At the Sunday worship at Lighthouse Church, for the first time in my life, I was crying from start till the end. The song "Arise, arise, arise" keep surrounding my ears. That was not it. We went back to the flat, with an even bigger explosion awaiting us. God made me and Pris bring out everything that we didn't like about each other, with Aunty Nan as our mediator. It was good. We understood each other more, taking in the angle of one another.

I have to give Aunty Nan tribute for helping us out. I realized in this incident that relationships have to be actively managed. No matter friends, family or God, it has to be managed actively. That's one. Two, after crying, we were tired and went for a nap. Aunty Nan, at 62 years of age, after counseling us for about three hours, washed our clothes, cleaned the house, and gathered some rest. I got to really realized that what she meant by telling me to change my mindset as I start my life in Singapore. It's not a matter of crossing the causeway to serve the Lord, she said. It's all in the mind. Pray and seek God for help, He is a sustaining God, even with only 4 hours of sleep, God will hold you. And boy, she did exactly what she taught me. Bring everything before God, and trust in Him. Trust that He can sustain, and He knows what's best for me.

These are lessons that I have learnt for life. One, pray often, for God longs to relate to me, and it takes effort to do it. Two, do not submit to slumber, for that is exactly what Satan wants me to do. Three, take control of my life, God let's us choose sides, although always with a guiding hand. Today, I choose to trust in the Lord. I believe that the potter knows best what instrument He wants the clay to be. My motivation no longer lie on money, fame, or self actualization, but on what God desires of me. I'll let Him take charge of my life, and believe in simple faith that whatever He puts me through, it will be good and possible to do, for all things are possible in the eyes of the Lord, and God will not put me through things that I cannot handle.

Amen.

Loneliness at Work

I guess the nature of the job is really starting to take jabs at me. At 10am in the morning I feel sleepy already. The loneliness of the job really sucks away the motivation to drive on. I hope that after writing this, the sleepiness will just go away, so that I can concentrate on doing what I ought to be doing.

At times, I wonder why God put me into this position. Yes, I do learn to be more disciplined, which I never had; learnt to make cold calls, which I use to fear. Have time to sit down and slowly progress at work. But, ain’t I trained to work in teams, manage people, and build on improvements? That’s who I am. I’ll continue to do my best in this field. After that, we’ll see.

Life as a Conference Producer, so far…

Monday is a relaxing day for producers. We can’t get to call our sources because of their routine Mon meetings. Presently, I’m waiting for two reply calls in approximately an hour’s time. So, here I am writing my little experiences of being a conference producer.

I’ve been in the job for a little more than a month. Adapted well to the job. I was in the financial sector prior to this job. In this job, you can see people from very different backgrounds. We have people like investors, computer consultants, bio-chemists, lecturers, administrators, etc. It’s like “mized-rice”, with all kinds of ingredients from all places around the globe. Lunch time is an exciting time where I learn new things from these people.

This is quite a relaxing job overall, depending on how you define relaxing. We get to go home 6pm sharp. There’s seldom need for OT, except when I call some of the speakers overseas, at a different time zone. So, if you’re looking for a good working lifestyle, this is one that you should be looking at.

If you’re thinking what we do, basically, we research for a hot topic that the market needs but can’t find. We cater for that need. Research on what angle to cut in that will better benefit our clients. The toughest part here is the phone researches that we call the potential delegates to gather information as well as to see what are their response to such a conference. We then shape the angle of the conference accordingly. As you can see, it’s very much an academic job: study, research, fine-tune.

I have rested for about a year before this job. This job provides me the luxury to slowly attune to the work force. Not too stressful, yet challenging enough. There is the pressure side too. Every conference that we produce, affects the sales and marketing team. They are the ones that market our products. And if we don’t do a good job and be sure that it sells, we’re putting them into deep trouble financially. So, the weight is there. Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility. There is no one else to blame except the producers.

Overall, this is a good job in terms of working hours. The challenge is sufficient to keep one going. The pay is usually good. The downside is the loneliness in this job. 90% of the time, we work alone, doing research on the topics or talking to people in the market. Colleagues don’t interact much, if any. I’m lucky to be an out-going person whom people enjoys having lunch with. Otherwise there REALLY isn’t much interaction. Waiting for third party replies can also be frustrating. The speakers for example, may promise and yet not deliver. Let it be their replies to our invitation, our request to fine tune the syllabus, their delay in answering our queries. You know, it’s a waiting game. It's a very reactive job trying to be as proactive as possible. Having said these, I like this job. It’s a good job if you enjoy learning new things everyday, I do.

The Children of Huang Shi

I saw this good movie yesterday and thought that it's good to share. It's been a while since I last saw a movie production that puts more emphasis on the movie itself than the profit takings. For the synopsis of the movie, please visit http://www.childrenofhuangshi.com/

It talks about a journalist who enters the battle zone of the Nan Jing war. Who selflessly cared for a bunch of orphans who didn't show the least appreciation. As time passes, the children get to learn from this journalist, to love, to care and to hope. The long lost smiles found their way back to the children, where it belongs. Then the story begins... I'm not going to spoil the story here. Go catch the movie and feel it for yourself.

Having been to China myself, I can understand why the children wanted to kill the journalist when he first came. Looking at history, people of China have developed this cage that protects them from getting hurt. But at the same time, it envelopes them from love. The natural right to love and be loved. It's very sad. It's the price for war.

You can see the contrast of this journalist to the orphans. One tries to love while the other tries to keep their emotions hidden. The Chinese philosophy goes so deep, it's sad: "Know yourself and your enemy, and you will win every battle". So, by enveloping emotions, it's harder to get hurt. It triggers by default, a self-learned self-protecting system.

Looking at myself, I realized how similar I am with the orphans. I fight my own wars. I fight to get more money, power, and recognition. I fight to get more personal time to compensate for the time spent working, at my family's cost. Since when have I learned to be so selfish? I lost sight of the purpose as I fight a meaningless battle.

It's good to write now and then. It keeps my thoughts clear. Pulls me back to see overall purpose of doing what I am doing. Releases me from the bondage of worldly traps.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone To The Limit

I realized that no matter what we do, we have to be who we are. This encompasses all things, big and small, whether it comes to sleep, exercise, diet, work, and all. Allow me to elaborate.

It's important for us to understand who we are. For example, sleep. If we under-sleep, we get tired. If we under-sleep a lot, we get eye bags. If we under-sleep too much, we burnout. We will never get away scot-free from stealing sleep. We'll payback someday, either by sleeping more (if we're lucky), or with our health. Either way, we payback. It's the same with all things: You exercise too much, you get muscle ache; You eat too much, you get bloated; You work too hard, you get lethargic. The list goes on.

"Do what you are"

We have to keep within our comfort zone, in the long run:

After understanding who we are, understand our comfort zone, and stick within it. Of course there will be some exceptions where we give allowances: A major exam, a rushed project, urgent matters that we have to settle. But we can't go out of our comfort zone for long periods of time. As I said, we'll burnout. So, stick within your comfort zone.


Stretch your comfort zone to the limit:

I'm not promoting complacency, which brings me to this point. Everything that we do, we should give it our best. Believe me, if you try hard enough, you'll be amazed of how much you have packed in yourself.


These two points can be best illustrated in jogging. Jogging is a very humble sport. It requires one to first understand yourself, the pace that you are most comfortable with. Once you get that, you can start to stretch that comfort zone, either by running faster, or by running longer. You will then understand that running a marathon of 42 kilometers is very possible when one trains hard enough.

If you try hard enough, there are thousands of things you can accomplish. All you have to do is, understand yourself, and stretch the possibilities. It's not easy to understand yourself though. The key is to look at what God has planned for you to be best at.

Tottenham Sees Future in Ramos Era

After so many years of being a Spurs fan, I am so excited of what Ramos has done at Spurs. Yesterday's game against giants Chelsea showed a glimpse of what to expect from Spurs in the coming months. Spurs basically made Chelsea look like a mediocre team. The blues just couldn't play. Their passes were all cut off by Spurs in midfield. They just couldn't do anything. Thumbs up for Ramos. And with Spurs in the last 16 in UEFA Cup against PSV, Ramos may just get his third Europe success in Spurs!

Finally, Spurs have made me proud, very proud.

Facial Treatment

Today, I did the impossible. I had a facial treatment, finished with a mask on top of my face. I didn't go through the pore squeezing process though...

I'd always thought that facial treatment is girlie stuff. Men just don't go through with these kind of things. But it wasn't too bad, not bad at all. The whole process was very relaxing. It felt good to be touched. Of course, I have to give credit to the gentle hands of my "treatment girl". First, the cleaning up, with I don't know how many products (It felt too good to notice these things), then I thought she was going to put mud on my face (look at left photo). She told me that was old school. The wet paper stuff is what people use nowadays.

So much for my fear of mud...

Happy New Year

New year's just around the corner. Wish you all a very blessed year. May you find what you seek.

Time passes so fast. Every time I go to Church, that's a week; Every time I get a paycheck, that's a month; Every time I get Ang Pows, that's a year. I'm 26 this year. Not too old, not young enough. 26 is a year to "feel" old. At 25, I still can say that I'm in my mid-20s, not at 26... It's time to grow up, time to take up more responsibilities, time to take it to the next level.

I'm looking for a job right now. Sent a few job applications, will send more later. I don't know what I can do, not as clearly as eight months ago, when I left my job. I guess eight months is enough to make one rusty, long enough to make me lose my direction. I know I'm capable. I need a job to prove it.

Boy, I'm lost.

I Made My Dear Cry

Yesterday, while we were having a meeting on the Church activities, we encountered some problems. Two partnering groups had different views on the Child Care Service on Valentine's Day. We had to come up with a solution fast as time was running short.

As our team leader Steven wasn't there, I decided to take the lead. Our priority was to identify if the change can be done in such short notice. I had to gather our team members' views and decide on that. I was kind of swayed to the idea of doing it as Pris was on that side. I wanted to do it for her. And when I want to accomplish something, I am very focused. As I was getting in action plans, Pris kept giving in ideas, which I really didn't need. I needed action plans. I cut her off a few times. We didn't have time to discuss other issues, we needed to know how can it be done.

After the meeting, I was actually quite happy that we got things rolling, until disaster happened. I never expected Pris to cry... I was dumb folded. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what happened. Pris said that I never cut people off like how I did on her. She felt that I stomped her so low and she was very hurt. I never meant to hurt her. All I wanted was to make the Child Care Service a success, which was in the first place what I thought she wanted.

I guess both of us are so different in personalities. I am such a task-person, and she a people-person. We had a good talk that night. Thank God that she's willing to communicate, that's the best thing about her: no matter how angry, she's always willing to talk it out. We sorted things out, saw the differences we have. Relationship is not easy to handle. It takes a lot of understanding and forgiveness. I'm happy that Pris and me are willing to put in effort for this.

I love you.

Give Space

Everyone is unique. Each with their own characters, views and pace of doing things. Some are fast movers and some laid-back; some people-orientated and some task-orientated. There can never be two completely same people. You can never find another you in this world. So, someway or another, when two come together, there is bound to be clashes.

Therefore, this is where mutual acceptance comes into place. Accepting who you are, this is how you do things. I don't like how you do it, I will never do things this way, but also understanding that you are not me, I respect that. This is called mutual respect. This is very important in a relationship, whether family, friends, husband and wife, colleagues, etc. Accepting who one IS, and respecting him for who he is.

A lot of times, clashes happen solely because of nonacceptance. And these type of clashes usually are hard to solve. It can't be solved. Maybe for a short period of time, but it will always come back. This usually happens when one forces one's view unto the other, expects the other to understand or to take action, just as he would. This expectation often leads to disappointment when the other does not fulfill the expectation. And if you are this category, please prepare yourself to be disappointed and maybe angry. Because, remember, there can never be two completely same people.

Learn to accept, respect. Give space for the other to be himself, even if you don't understand.

Balance b/d for year 2007

I guess after resting for 8 months, I think it's good to recap what I have done for the past year.

Early 2007, I was handed Melacca together with Johor, which I was already in charge of. It was very challenging. Both because of geographical reasons and because no one was in charge of Melacca for a very long period of time. Johor is a very big state, Melacca didn't have an airport. Traveling around was crazy.

Then, the calling to quit came in May. The change was dramatic. Before, I was this executive who was buzzing from JB, BP, Muar, Segamat, Melacca, and KL. All work, seldom at home. After I quited, pace of life calmed down, and at some point, laid-back.

I went to learn diving. Been to Tioman and Redang, beautiful islands. Climbbed mount Kinabalu. Picked up guitar. Almost went to learn dancing (went to dance on stage for Jen's wedding, ha!). Went to China, lived with the village people. Went to enjoy the sceneries and FOOD of Taiwan. Had lots of rest. Had quiet time to read the Bible, and to walk with God. Chaired the Christmas event. Got myself a girlfriend.

Now, as I look back, God has been good to me. I've always believed that one must always have something to do, something to hope for and someone to love. By letting go of my job, which I struggled, it was going well and was something that proved my worth. By letting go of something seemingly so important to me but little to God, God has blessed me with all three things I have always wanted. There will always be something to do, but not always something to hope for and someone to love. And that hope comes from God and God alone. Hope comes from focusing on God, trusting he will do His part as long as I do mine.

Just a little shift in focus makes a whole lot of difference. Focusing on men will never satisfy, never brings peace, always disappointing. Focusing on God answers all doubts, brings contentment, gives peace.

Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Thoughts, Feelings, Ideas

I'm not a person who speaks very well. I find freedom in written words, like fish in the sea, swimming purposefully and freely. This is what this blog is about: a cumulation of everyday thoughts, feelings and ideas.

I went jogging today at Sultan's Garden. It was very, very HOT! And so I ran lazily, just letting my legs carry me, not really putting in much effort. It's more like walking very fast. After 1.5km, my ankles started to hurt. By not "running" properly using the thigh muscles, I put a lot of pressure on my ankles. It's didn't feel good. I spent the next 1km to walk the pain off.

Moral of the story: If you don't do things right, it will somehow come back to you. So, do things right, and if you can, the first time.