Things I Wished I Knew Earlier

I was doing a mind-map for my company and I thought how good it would be if I knew this tool earlier in my life. Then I thought about many things that I wished to have known earlier in my life.

1. God.
This is an easy one. Knowing God gives insight to life because He is the creator of all things. Through Him, I begin to understand the purpose of life, I begin to appreciate myself, I begin to gain self-confidence, I begin to love, I begin to forgive, I begin to have insight & knowledge, I begin to serve, and most importantly, I begin to live.

2. It's ok to be weak.
I used to want to "be" strong, clever, confident, etc. I pumped it all up for show. Then I realised how shallow I was. I begin to feel weak, very weak. and I hated myself for that. That wasn't what I wanted. I did a lot of things to show that I wasn't weak. In a way, I proved that to other people - I earned more, I talked better, I knew more people... But I couldn't convince myself. Until I understood that it is ok to be weak. It is thru acknowledging weakness that I begin to be strong. I started to appreciate myself and feel a subtle inner-confidence grow in me. I begin to really "be" me. That is the most satisfying experience.

3. Speed reading.
I still haven't touched this topic yet. But I really wished that I could read faster.

4. Mind-mapping.
This has to be one of the best tools I picked up. It helps me organize my thoughts in large perspective, zoom to focus on the details, jump straight back to the big picture. And it's all at one glance!

5. Confrontation is not always a bad thing.
Since young, I felt that confrontation equals quarrel, spoilt relationships, etc. That's why I was very quiet throughout my study life. Chinese teaching is to be best in the middle, not too posh, not too low. Until something very bad happened to me because I didn't speak up for myself. I thought that people "should" understand. Now I know that I have to fight for the right to speak when I have to. That's how relationship grow. We have to seek to be understood by the ones we truly love.

6. Each individual has different expectations of one another.
This is the one most important lesson I learned regarding relationship. Each of us are uniquely different from one another. We think differently, feel differently, have different likes and dislikes, different habits, different background, etc. So logically, we will have different view points for everything under the sun. The funny thing is that how little people notice this. Many a times I have unsolvable quarrels is because of different expectations we have of each other. Why I say unsolvable is because until we understand this, we wouldn't understand why he is like this or why is she like that? It's a unsolvable perception problem. And the other party feels disrespected and hurt.

7. Time management.
Makes me spend my time better, and work a lot more enjoyable.

8. Music.
I didn't learn until 26. At the age of 8, my music teacher said I was hopeless because I was naughty, and from then on, I thought that I didn't have a flare in music...

Emotion Bank

I'm going to write about something I learned from the 7 Habits book. It's about the emotion bank that we bank in and bank out from everybody around us. I have to say that I really need to learn this because I really know too little about human relationship, which is the essence of human living and enjoyment. I crave to know my family better, my friends, my co-workers, etc. And I crave that they understand me better. This read has and will be of great help in my future dealings with people.

1. Respect and accept an individual as they are.
This is really hard. I used to think that people "should" behave as they "should". Now, knowing that no two individuals are the same, think the same and feel the same, I have no right to impose what I think and feel to another individual. Now, I begin to observe people and learn to know them as who they really are. It will be very interesting to know some people again that I already know for so long :)

2. Communicate expectations between family, friends and co-workers.
This has always been a major cause for hurtful quarrels - You "should" do this and you "should" do that. In the end, we find out that what you expect from me is not what I expect you to expect from me. What a joke! And it feels that I have been wronged and misunderstood. Job descriptions and even relationship commitments must be clearly communicated to know exactly what to expect and be expected.

3. Fulfill commitments that we make.
Easier said than done. Many a time, it is so easy to make a casual commitment to get a quick fix...

4. Have integrity for everything that we do.
One can forgive a mistake in action because it is mostly due to a failure in judgment; It is harder to forgive a mistake in character that is ill-intentioned and possesses a bad motive.

5. Be aware of the small little things.
Small actions show big emotion fluctuations. For the noticing to start, pride has to go first. Because if we are full of ourselves, we don't see anything else anymore. Least to say the little reactions.

6. Sincerely apologize if I have made a mistake.
It takes a giant to be gentle; the weak shows only a strong front to cover their weaknesses.

So to conclude, I need to learn to be more observant. And to be more observant, I have to learn to shift the focus off myself to the people that I care about. To do that, I need to be humble. To learn humility, I need to built up my inner confidence. And to built up the confidence, I need to find my purpose in life to understand that I am a useful being. That purpose lies in God.

Today is a Fine Day

After one and a half years, the Sat-off genes still can't get used to the fact that I have to work on Sats. Today however, is quite special. It started from yesterday where I felt a bit lost on what's next for my business. I am threading into unknown terrain. I went for a long run to clear my mind. And I was glad that it came to a conclusion that it is "normal" to don't know what to do next.

The Bible does teaches us that faith is something you commit to do before you see any proven results. And actions often come before guidance.

So, combining the two, I feel good knowing that it is ok to don't know what's next and it is ok to feel fearful of not knowing what to do. I feel good because I know that by striding the walk in faith, God will guide me throughout my journey.

So, work today has been fulfilling and good.

College Camp 2010

We have just finished the camp, which was on yesterday. I thought I would be exhausted with 15 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights. But no, I felt good today. Even managed to go for a concert and a night class today.

Looking back, college camp 2009 is where I fell; College camp 2010 is where I proved myself that I shall not be easily defeated. And I proved myself on that. I realized that when one wants to really do something, it's really no big deal no matter how big the challenge is. I came in this year with mixed feelings. Looking at this year's game plan, I thought to myself if I really did badly last year. The answer is no. Because most of the important games stayed intact. Did I not fight to be heard? The answer is yes, I did not fight to be heard. That's the lesson I learned from last year. It was not about commitment or whatsoever. It was about communication.

Ironically, that was the lesson that I taught to the students this year: fight to be heard! Haha, such irony!

I really enjoyed the time spent with the students this year. I'm really looking forward to meeting them again in GPS. They are such a joy to watch. The willingness to learn and the eagerness to mature is a lot to look forward to. There are some that I would personally hire if I had the chance. Unfortunately, there were a couple that were really disappointing. Those I hope would take something back with them. At least learn that not participating is also a choice. A choice to give up, a choice to continue to be at the current state, a choice not to let anyone in their lives and a choice to rot.

I'm glad that I had the courage to go in this year with full commitment, withholding nothing back from last year's fall. I feel good. Now it's time to make a decision on the business set up. I was brought back from Singapore for a purpose. It's time to make a full commitment to that purpose. I pray that I would have the courage and perseverance to push it through to the end. May God give me the help that I so need.

A Day in Life: 7 June 2010

Today I decided to do something special. I thought that life was getting dull. So I decided to do something that I like everyday. I realized that I like to write, I like to go for long runs to clear my mind, and I realized that I enjoyed looking at things.

That's when I realized that I could capture images that I saw and put it into this blog as a erm... personal diary or something like that.

You may be wondering what's with the 4 cups. Well, every morning, after breakfast, I make myself my favorite cup of tea and start the day by reading the Bible in my room. And after that I wash them and put on top of the basin. As you can see, that's 4 days without clearing my room :) This serves as a reminder of myself to clear the room with discipline.

Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion

Every now and then, I will have a strong urge to play a game. The previous time I had this urge was 2 years ago, where I bought a PSP and sold it off a year later. Otherwise, it would be accumulating too much dust. This time round, I went back to one of my favorite games: Elder Scrolls 4 - Oblivion.

It is an open ended game which puts me into a medieval world of castles, dungeons & monsters. I have always dreamed of living in a medieval world way before electricity, internet, telephone & pollution. It is the period where people go around riding on horses, where story tellers, music & chatting is the main entertainment. It is where life is simple.

Today is a New Day

Today thru pastor, I finally understand the root reason of why I am so unemotional. I must remember this day.

Firstly, emotions are not all bad. They do not all lead to quarrels and bad things. Furthermore, being emotional is a normal human expression. You know, as I think back, I too find it funny of the process of me to get angry: hm... this incident is something that I should be angry > why am I not angry? > Ok, I will be angry > and I will say this this and that that to this person > alright, here goes > hey you! > and I feel bad being angry...

Secondly, suppressing my emotions has helped me survive in my childhood. It has protected me from being hurt. But I do not need to do that anymore, I have grown up and so should this outdated map. It is no longer applicable and I should revise this map into a more accurate one. Old and incorrect maps have to go, shoo!

Thirdly, I must unlock some events of the past that I have purposely or subconsciously buried and forgotten. That will free me to become a more wholesome man. That's my homework for the next 2 weeks.

Fourthly, get back in touch with my emotions but don't over explode it, kaboom!

28 Years Old

There's a Chinese saying that men matures at the age of 30, stop getting confused at 40, understand the meaning of life and direction at 50... I'm 28, nearing 30 this year, so I'll won't go on farther.

I do not yet know about the 40 and 50 part, but I do agree about the maturing at 30. At this stage of life, I have loved, hated; enjoyed life, and despised it altogether; I have had enough successes and failures to know that it really doesn't matter in the long run whether I succeed or fail; what matters is how I deal with the outcome and continue to work hard in life.

At this stage, I can proudly say that I am having the time of my life. I understand better who I am and who I want to be; I understand what I want and the path to getting it will not be an easy one; I understand that I live for a purpose and acknowledge that I do not fully comprehend it; I understand that lasting success is build upon big characters and not clever methods; I understand more about "being" and emphasize less on "doing"; I learn to manage my time to spend it on the important things that truly matters; I learned that to take more, I must first give more; I learned that in order to be loved, I must first love, unconditionally.

At 28, I've seen just enough to know that I do not know enough. Looking back at myself, being arrogant and self-centered, I'm glad that I have lived a good life and happy that the future looks somewhat... GREAT!