Love Heals

I went for a counseling conference on Wednesday in Singapore. It was a Christianity-based event. I was a bit skeptical about the conference, thinking what has counseling to do with Christianity life? It opened my eyes to the importance of psychology towards Christian living.

The speaker is a psychologist, a big man, with a cute humor that shouldn’t fit his size, but it does. He is a wonderful speaker. And the points he brought out was even better. He summarized three important points based on his 30 years of experience, so we should all listen very carefully, he said.

1. Put in effort to manage conflicts
Conflicts that are not resolved do not go away, they stay hidden until it gets too big and then it will all come out in one big explosion. Do not underestimate it.

2. Deposit into the emotional bank of your love ones
Relationship needs take time to build. It’s like a bank. Put in effort for your love ones and you’ll score a point. Score more points and you will get a long lasting and happy relationship. Withdraw too much and your relationship will go bankrupt. One trick is to always highlight the other person’s effort / love language, even when the effort sucks. We better pick this up, it is 30 years of experience! “Highlighting people's effort is a way to see a glimpse of God”, he says. Put in effort and you will see how people express their love in many different ways. It may not be the way you want it, but it’s an act of love.

3. Keep your own emotional state safe
It’s important to keep one’s emotional state healthy. “Hurt people hurt people”. Only emotionally healthy people can stand firm with understanding and love to avoid getting hurt. He mentions that people usually get angry unconsciously, especially when they are hurt. Men get hurt most by shame; and women by abandonment. I never knew how important it is to be emotionally healthy.

He also pointed out an interesting research. He said our immune system is very related to how loved we are. People who feel loved have better immune system than those who don’t. Just look at some cancer patients and you can see that positive patients have a higher chance of fighting the cancer cells. Love heals, and that is God’s law.

I’m glad that I went for this conference. They have been doing it for the past many years, but will do one last one in 2010 before wrapping up. I hope they don’t. We need to learn to be “safe” counselors to spread the love of our Father Lord, who sent the first “safe” person, Jesus Christ to spread His love to us.

God bless.

Emotionally Tired

On my way to work today, I fell asleep on the bus.

I usually take short naps on buses, but this time round, I fell into a deep sleep. I still remember someone tapping my shoulder to wake me up, My first thought was one of my colleagues saying hi. To be honest, I was quite frustrated. Why don't you give me some rest and peace? As I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was an empty bus, I got the shock of my life, where did everyone go? The second thing I saw was the bus driver beside me, ha! Luckily the last stop is only one stop away from where I was suppose to alight.

I suppose I am emotionally tired. I sleep well, good quality sleep. But I still get tired easily. I guess it's time to find some motivation in life to spice things up a bit.

Nuts in the City

The city, a place away from the pastures, clear streams, and fresh air. It’s where people forget about the clear blue sky, the sparkling stars, the cool afternoon breeze, and the best that nature has to offer. There’s bound to be some underlying problems to be had.

Last Weds, my colleague and I went over to Novena for some Indonesian food. I’m not going to comment about the food though; it’s what happened before we entered the restaurant, a toilet break. You know, most guys don’t stand next to each other when we pee. There was this weirdo guy who used the latrine between us. I didn’t know any of this until my colleague told me after we got out of the toilet. This weird fellow was looking at me, and licking the toilet wall. Yes, you read me right, looking at me, and LICKING the DIRTY toilet wall, hell! There’s something about city folks. Many of us have some kind of problem, one way or another. We are too busy, too stressed, too tired, too focused, too not-to-be-bothered that we forget to care, whether for our friends, or our beloved family. This week, I’ve seen many adults who are emotionally dwarfed. I have a friend that pulls successful people that she knows of out of the bag in every single topic we chat about, expensive things she possesses, nice places that she visited, etc to put up to nice front. I’ve noticed that she never ever speaks about her own self. That’s pathetic, that’s self-denial, and that’s common in the city, where parents are too busy to care. Parents play a big part everyone’s life, and if parents don’t play the part of a parent, many problems arise, and it takes many many years to heal, if ever. There’s another friend that I cannot speak to her in love and truth. She cannot take raw facts. She says it reminds her of her mum who denies her of everything that she does since young. And when I tell her things that I think she’s done wrong, the memory reminds her of how her mum treated her. How much she yearns of people’s approval? How much she hates being denied? And how much she yearns for love? There are a lot more that I can write of, they are a lot of love this place needs. How can I help?

Words

Words can be powerfully inspiring or awfully damaging.

The words Paul used to describe "love" brings the use of words to new heights. He wrote,"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." How wonderfully beautiful and true it is.

Words can also sting like a bee, pierces right through the heart where is hurts the most. The more unintentional, the more painful the jab. I am surprised on how much effort some people make to come up with a highly intelligent mock. And this is contagious, it spreads. I noticed that when one starts to become critical of a subject, the second will follow, and the third. I'm even more surprised that at most times, I'm inclined to join in. Some times I give in and spit out some nasty words. And to be honest, it feels good. I mean it actually feels good to come up with an intelligent mock, how's that? Pro 15:23 What joy it is to find just the right word for the right occasion! I just became a heresy...

Boy, I'm a sinner. God forgive me.

Say No to Slumberness

My soul no longer wish to slumber.

Here is an account of what happened to me for the past few weeks.

After coming over to Singapore, my life scale tipped towards the work side. I couldn't handle anything else. God, family, friends, church, I gave it all up. To make things worse, I didn't enjoy the work as well. Therefore, I hid.

It's a very strange psychological thing, this hiding thing. I can give you some examples of what I mean by hiding. One thing I realized was, I didn't want to do anything. To avoid doing anything, I hid into the virtual world of games. I played PSP day in and day out, hiding in it. I slept a lot as well, refusing to wake up until I knew that I am going to be late for work. My mind hid as well. At work, my brain wanders. To recall, I felt that I have become stupid. The brain just refused to function. And I let the slumber in me take control.

I am guilty of a lot of things. I let wild grass grow in the relationship between me and Pris, I procrastinated the church finance being the treasurer, I wasn't doing my job, and I wasn't relating to God...

I thank God that He didn't give me up, He never does. He sent me messages. Through a song called "祷告", He brought me back to His presence. All I did was bring my troubles before Him and He did amazing things. Last Sat, I didn't go home to JB. I stayed for a talk on Israel, but that's not the point. The point is, me and Pris cracked that very night. It was an accumulation of unsettled incidents, and it exploded that night. God bless us for having Aunty Nan here with us. She had a long talk with Pris, and it was settled for the time being. The next day was a day of tears. At the Sunday worship at Lighthouse Church, for the first time in my life, I was crying from start till the end. The song "Arise, arise, arise" keep surrounding my ears. That was not it. We went back to the flat, with an even bigger explosion awaiting us. God made me and Pris bring out everything that we didn't like about each other, with Aunty Nan as our mediator. It was good. We understood each other more, taking in the angle of one another.

I have to give Aunty Nan tribute for helping us out. I realized in this incident that relationships have to be actively managed. No matter friends, family or God, it has to be managed actively. That's one. Two, after crying, we were tired and went for a nap. Aunty Nan, at 62 years of age, after counseling us for about three hours, washed our clothes, cleaned the house, and gathered some rest. I got to really realized that what she meant by telling me to change my mindset as I start my life in Singapore. It's not a matter of crossing the causeway to serve the Lord, she said. It's all in the mind. Pray and seek God for help, He is a sustaining God, even with only 4 hours of sleep, God will hold you. And boy, she did exactly what she taught me. Bring everything before God, and trust in Him. Trust that He can sustain, and He knows what's best for me.

These are lessons that I have learnt for life. One, pray often, for God longs to relate to me, and it takes effort to do it. Two, do not submit to slumber, for that is exactly what Satan wants me to do. Three, take control of my life, God let's us choose sides, although always with a guiding hand. Today, I choose to trust in the Lord. I believe that the potter knows best what instrument He wants the clay to be. My motivation no longer lie on money, fame, or self actualization, but on what God desires of me. I'll let Him take charge of my life, and believe in simple faith that whatever He puts me through, it will be good and possible to do, for all things are possible in the eyes of the Lord, and God will not put me through things that I cannot handle.

Amen.