Things I Wished I Knew Earlier

I was doing a mind-map for my company and I thought how good it would be if I knew this tool earlier in my life. Then I thought about many things that I wished to have known earlier in my life.

1. God.
This is an easy one. Knowing God gives insight to life because He is the creator of all things. Through Him, I begin to understand the purpose of life, I begin to appreciate myself, I begin to gain self-confidence, I begin to love, I begin to forgive, I begin to have insight & knowledge, I begin to serve, and most importantly, I begin to live.

2. It's ok to be weak.
I used to want to "be" strong, clever, confident, etc. I pumped it all up for show. Then I realised how shallow I was. I begin to feel weak, very weak. and I hated myself for that. That wasn't what I wanted. I did a lot of things to show that I wasn't weak. In a way, I proved that to other people - I earned more, I talked better, I knew more people... But I couldn't convince myself. Until I understood that it is ok to be weak. It is thru acknowledging weakness that I begin to be strong. I started to appreciate myself and feel a subtle inner-confidence grow in me. I begin to really "be" me. That is the most satisfying experience.

3. Speed reading.
I still haven't touched this topic yet. But I really wished that I could read faster.

4. Mind-mapping.
This has to be one of the best tools I picked up. It helps me organize my thoughts in large perspective, zoom to focus on the details, jump straight back to the big picture. And it's all at one glance!

5. Confrontation is not always a bad thing.
Since young, I felt that confrontation equals quarrel, spoilt relationships, etc. That's why I was very quiet throughout my study life. Chinese teaching is to be best in the middle, not too posh, not too low. Until something very bad happened to me because I didn't speak up for myself. I thought that people "should" understand. Now I know that I have to fight for the right to speak when I have to. That's how relationship grow. We have to seek to be understood by the ones we truly love.

6. Each individual has different expectations of one another.
This is the one most important lesson I learned regarding relationship. Each of us are uniquely different from one another. We think differently, feel differently, have different likes and dislikes, different habits, different background, etc. So logically, we will have different view points for everything under the sun. The funny thing is that how little people notice this. Many a times I have unsolvable quarrels is because of different expectations we have of each other. Why I say unsolvable is because until we understand this, we wouldn't understand why he is like this or why is she like that? It's a unsolvable perception problem. And the other party feels disrespected and hurt.

7. Time management.
Makes me spend my time better, and work a lot more enjoyable.

8. Music.
I didn't learn until 26. At the age of 8, my music teacher said I was hopeless because I was naughty, and from then on, I thought that I didn't have a flare in music...

Emotion Bank

I'm going to write about something I learned from the 7 Habits book. It's about the emotion bank that we bank in and bank out from everybody around us. I have to say that I really need to learn this because I really know too little about human relationship, which is the essence of human living and enjoyment. I crave to know my family better, my friends, my co-workers, etc. And I crave that they understand me better. This read has and will be of great help in my future dealings with people.

1. Respect and accept an individual as they are.
This is really hard. I used to think that people "should" behave as they "should". Now, knowing that no two individuals are the same, think the same and feel the same, I have no right to impose what I think and feel to another individual. Now, I begin to observe people and learn to know them as who they really are. It will be very interesting to know some people again that I already know for so long :)

2. Communicate expectations between family, friends and co-workers.
This has always been a major cause for hurtful quarrels - You "should" do this and you "should" do that. In the end, we find out that what you expect from me is not what I expect you to expect from me. What a joke! And it feels that I have been wronged and misunderstood. Job descriptions and even relationship commitments must be clearly communicated to know exactly what to expect and be expected.

3. Fulfill commitments that we make.
Easier said than done. Many a time, it is so easy to make a casual commitment to get a quick fix...

4. Have integrity for everything that we do.
One can forgive a mistake in action because it is mostly due to a failure in judgment; It is harder to forgive a mistake in character that is ill-intentioned and possesses a bad motive.

5. Be aware of the small little things.
Small actions show big emotion fluctuations. For the noticing to start, pride has to go first. Because if we are full of ourselves, we don't see anything else anymore. Least to say the little reactions.

6. Sincerely apologize if I have made a mistake.
It takes a giant to be gentle; the weak shows only a strong front to cover their weaknesses.

So to conclude, I need to learn to be more observant. And to be more observant, I have to learn to shift the focus off myself to the people that I care about. To do that, I need to be humble. To learn humility, I need to built up my inner confidence. And to built up the confidence, I need to find my purpose in life to understand that I am a useful being. That purpose lies in God.