Love Heals

I went for a counseling conference on Wednesday in Singapore. It was a Christianity-based event. I was a bit skeptical about the conference, thinking what has counseling to do with Christianity life? It opened my eyes to the importance of psychology towards Christian living.

The speaker is a psychologist, a big man, with a cute humor that shouldn’t fit his size, but it does. He is a wonderful speaker. And the points he brought out was even better. He summarized three important points based on his 30 years of experience, so we should all listen very carefully, he said.

1. Put in effort to manage conflicts
Conflicts that are not resolved do not go away, they stay hidden until it gets too big and then it will all come out in one big explosion. Do not underestimate it.

2. Deposit into the emotional bank of your love ones
Relationship needs take time to build. It’s like a bank. Put in effort for your love ones and you’ll score a point. Score more points and you will get a long lasting and happy relationship. Withdraw too much and your relationship will go bankrupt. One trick is to always highlight the other person’s effort / love language, even when the effort sucks. We better pick this up, it is 30 years of experience! “Highlighting people's effort is a way to see a glimpse of God”, he says. Put in effort and you will see how people express their love in many different ways. It may not be the way you want it, but it’s an act of love.

3. Keep your own emotional state safe
It’s important to keep one’s emotional state healthy. “Hurt people hurt people”. Only emotionally healthy people can stand firm with understanding and love to avoid getting hurt. He mentions that people usually get angry unconsciously, especially when they are hurt. Men get hurt most by shame; and women by abandonment. I never knew how important it is to be emotionally healthy.

He also pointed out an interesting research. He said our immune system is very related to how loved we are. People who feel loved have better immune system than those who don’t. Just look at some cancer patients and you can see that positive patients have a higher chance of fighting the cancer cells. Love heals, and that is God’s law.

I’m glad that I went for this conference. They have been doing it for the past many years, but will do one last one in 2010 before wrapping up. I hope they don’t. We need to learn to be “safe” counselors to spread the love of our Father Lord, who sent the first “safe” person, Jesus Christ to spread His love to us.

God bless.